by Olan Tonsay
“If it can go wrong, it will go wrong.” This phrase expresses resignation that things are bound to go south. For some people, this is an accepted fact—things really go wrong. Sounds fatalistic. For most folks and for many youngsters, doing something wrong is one of the most regrettable events in life.
Mistakes in relationships make the situation ripe for a misunderstanding and possible conflict. They are bound to happen somewhere, somehow along the way. Most of us recover from them easily, but there are some youngsters who encounter excruciating difficulty resolving and getting over them.
Even worse, a few of them never recover at all. There are youngsters who just quit and give up especially when the mistakes and errors are huge. This was what MG, a seventeen-year-old Grade 11 coed student from Valenzuela City, went through just recently.
Regret, Sadness, and Jealousy Combined
It was a blissful four years of being steady for MG and RT (their real names are withheld upon request). They started out as friends in Grade 7 and got into a relationship when they were in Grade 8. So much for those blissful years, MG and RT decided to breakup after an open discussion, each going his and her own way after four years, two months, two weeks, and four days. Within that time, things weren’t always a bed of roses. Roses have their thorns, as they say, and there are lots of them. The thorns among the roses made their presence felt not that frequent at the start, but as time passed, the thorns slowly choked their relationship. Misunderstandings and quarrels pestered their last year together.
RT did his best and exerted effort to save their relationship. He did not miss any occasion to greet and give a gift to MG. Even if there were no occasions, he would give her a card, send her text messages, post on her wall, and offer sweet nothings along with candies and chocolates, especially MG’s favorites. Truly you can say that RT is the thoughtful kind of guy.
You have probably heard that nothing lasts forever, often said as “walang forever.” This is how things went for MG and RT. When the misunderstandings and quarrels became the usual weekly fare in their relationship, RT decided to call for a real serious talk to determine what’s best for him and for MG. They both sadly concluded that their relationship was going nowhere, and they agreed break it up.
Despite the breakup, MG and RT still occasionally see each other as they opted to remain friends just like the way they were at the start. They both belong in the same pioneer batch of Grade 11 in school and have a common group of friends. Their breakup was campus news, and many felt a hint of sadness with the way things turned out for them.
Lately, RT has been having bouts of regret, sadness, and jealousy combined. He sees MG being fetched by a guy from a nearby school every afternoon. He would get angry at the sight of the guy. He has come to his senses that he shouldn’t have let MG go. He is doing his best, but nothing seems to work. He wonders where he did he go wrong.
Unknown to MG, RT is still hurting months after their breakup. He does everything possible and necessary, hoping to resurrect their love relationship from the dead zone.
Think It Over:
1. Why is RT hurting months after his breakup with MG? Is it right for RT to feel that way? Why?
2. Cite the reasons for the breakup of MG and RT after more than four years of being together. Are these reasons justified? Explain your answer.
3. Looking into the kind of person RT is, could there be something with his character or trait that could have contributed to their breakup? If so, what would that be?
4. Do you think MG and RT have already reached the “point of no return” in their relationship, that is, there is no more turning back? Why or why not?
5. Try answering RT’s query: where did he go wrong? Can you figure it out?
Oil and Water
Being in love is not just a matter of compatibility, good traits, and dialogue. There’s this thing called chemistry between two different individuals that sustains a relationship. To visualize this, mix water with milk. For sure the milk would be completely mixed with water.
However, if we are to put oil with water, there would be no mixture. No amount of stirring can ever get them mixed. When left alone after the mixing, the oil will amass on the surface of the water. A clear and distinct demarcation between the two will appear, distinguishing one from the other.
Some relationships are like water and milk. They have what people call compatibility. They would look into the temperament of the guy and the girl to ascertain how good they would be as a couple. Others would observe the good vibes and connectivity between a couple to justify continuity of the relationship.
On the other hand, there are relationships that are like water and oil. Folks would say that the relationship is not meant to be right from the start. No amount of dialogue, adjustment, and mediation can really settle the dust of discord, misunderstanding, or conflict. Whereas one of the two individuals in a relationship is bent on hanging on to the relationship, the other just would not give it any consideration at all, even if both of them mean well for each other.
This could be the case of MG and RT. RT seems to be the one trying to make things work between him and MG. He does everything possible to salvage what’s left of their relationship, but it proves to be futile. To bring the relationship back to what it was is close to impossible. And the gap between them is just getting wider.
The reality of such sad endings in relationships does not happen only in soap operas and movies. There are things that will not just work and are not meant to be. In some instances, the reason behind the breakups is not clear even to those involved.
Some youngsters like RT encounter difficulty in clarifying their true emotions after a breakup. This is when they are haunted by lingering feelings for their exes. The agony will keep on going if this is not resolved. Here are some ways by which one can fix a heartache caused by a breakup.
Be Still. It’s in the stillness and silence of the moment when reality can really sink in. Saturating oneself with loud music, gluing your eyes on the computer, or drowning oneself in an activity will not settle nor heal an aching heart.
Recall. Go back to the moment of the breakup. Painful as it can be, it will clarify reality. Cry if you must. One has to go through the pain of it all. There’s no other easy way. Do not forget that a heart in love is the twin of a broken heart.
Acceptance. Feeling the pain makes one realize that it comes from within. Don’t point a finger to your ex. Own it. Take it as your own, and make it a part of who and what you are. Pain forges a stronger heart.
Take the Step. Acceptance would make it easier for you to take the first step in moving on. The pain that was once a burden will now turn into a lesson you can use in life. Healing can now set in.
Letting go of the person we love is just painful and hearending. But sometimes, true love means setting the other person free: free to grow, free to be happy, and free to be in love again.
For the one in pain, let God’s love soothe your heart. Be at peace.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Ps 51:10).
Reflect On These:
1. Cite the chemistry of feelings among those who are in a relationship as to when they mix and when they do not.
2. Why do some youngsters encounter difficulty in moving on after a breakup?
3. What do youngsters go through when they get tied up with the feeling after a breakup?
4. Should one insist on a relationship that is not meant to be? Why or why not?
5. As a Christian youngster, how can you help a fellow youngster who is bogged down by pain brought about by a breakup?