Acting Like a Girlfriend to My Best Friend



Dear Kuya Olan,

I am really fond of reading Youngster magazine, especially the “inBox.” I am happy that I can somehow relate to its contents. 

There was this friend of mine way back in Grade 6. We were so close that we used to hang out together in their house, watch movies, play basketball, and ride bicycles. I liked him because he was that kind of boy who knew everything about you but put limits in everything. I adored him, but I could not go beyond this because he was my best friend for so many years. It was actually hard to keep it from him ‘coz best friends are supposed to be telling nothing but the truth to each other. 

After his first girlfriend broke up with him, he just became sweet to me and a little bit clingy.  Then one time I was surprised because he began acting like he did not care about me. Coincidently, I found out that he was courting someone. I got extremely jealous. I knew that I did not have the right to feel that way. I got really angry and pissed so we had a fight. 

Our fight got worse. I did not really want this to happen, but he left me with no choice. Why would I chase a person who does not even want to choose me back? Now both of us are not doing anything to solve our problem.

Now, should I give up my pride? Or should I apologize for acting like his girlfriend? Please help me, I am really confused. I really miss my best friend, and I do not want to see him drifting further away from me. 

Yours truly,
Princhua

 

Dear Princhua,

It is really heartwarming to know that there are youngsters like you who read Youngster mag and find meaning in it. I hope and pray that you and your classmates continue doing so. 

The way I see it, your situation with your best friend got all mixed up as to who and what you two are supposed to be in your friendship. You got entangled in an informal mutual understanding of sorts. Imagine a Venn Diagram where two circles intersect revealing a common area for both circles. Now, translate the two circles as two zones, friend and love zones, and the common area is the mixed up area that is equivalent to the confusion you two are in right now. You got it all mixed up. Obviously, inappropriate emotions for your relationship got in the way. This confusion has led to misunderstanding and, eventually, to the conflict that is ongoing. Emotions are still running high for the moment. The intensity is still red hot and attending to it for resolution or settlement can be more harmful than helpful.

Approaching your friend for a talk head on can be counterproductive at this point. You will end up getting hurt more. Let a few days pass for the emotions to settle down. Then try sending a peace text with a smiley face, perhaps followed by a peace note. You can ask for a dialogue for your old friendship’s sake. Allow him some time to reply. If he does not reply immediately, it might not necessarily mean that he is rejecting your olive branch of reconciliation. If he is really the true friend that you described him to be, he will accede to your request for a dialogue. From there, clarify the situation and be objective enough to admit that emotions crossed the zones that led to the confusion. I have to be honest with you, even if there is reconciliation for both of you, the situation will not be the same just like the good ol’ days. What happened will leave scars that will be part your friendship. It would be easier to say to forgive and forget. I will agree with the former but the latter is impossible. We do not have memory chips like computers that can put our bad past to the trash bin. Whatever the result of your next move is, you just have to accept it. Trust in God that what happens next can lead to better things for you or for both you—if you put them in God’s hands.  .

In Christ,
Kuya Olan

 

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